I know I'm long-winded, but I like to write so here's my story:
When I first started out on this teaching endeavor, which I suppose isn't so much of an endeavor anymore but rather my career, I never could have imagined how attached I would get to my students. As crazy as they are and as much as they like to talk while I'm talking, they have captured my heart already. I didn't realize how much they had already affected me until this week when they cut my classes essentially in half.
Let me paint the picture for you: The first 5 weeks of my first year teaching, I had anywhere from 44-50 students in each class period (227 total). Yep, 50 8th graders...sitting in groups...trying to do labs and hands-on things. It was insane for a lot of reasons but the thing that bugged me the most about it was the injustice it was doing to my students' education. I only had desks for 43 so that meant that I would have as many as 7 students in a class literally sharing desks with others. Students were sitting out in the far wings of my class or way at the back of the room, unable to see the board (the majority need glasses but cannot afford them). My projector is placed on top of my lab table at the front of the room, right next to our document reader, because there is nowhere else to put it (the extension cords are in the sink...thank goodness a student has never turned that sink on!) therefore the size of the projection is very small, making it even harder to see. If a student raised their hand to ask a question, it took me a considerable amount of time to wind my way from one end of the room to the other to answer it. There was no way to ensure that everyone was on task because I simply can't see everywhere at once. Even having 50 adults in a room, like in my UNLV classes, we aren't on task much of the time, so how can I expect that of 8th graders? It was essentially crowd control.
At the end of my 4th week, our school found out we were not approved to get another science teacher from the district surplus. I was told to not expect a change until possibly January. I woke up at the beginning of last week, my 5th week, determined to advocate for my students and give them the best possible education, no matter what the circumstances were. No more excuses, I just had to buck up and do it.
Along with my personal change of determination, I also started trying to get my spiritual life back in order, my priorities on straight, and I could feel the strength of the Lord to enable me to really reach my students. Last week went well and I was pleased.
On Thursday afternoon, the asst principal came in and said to me, "I see you're still smiling, Ms. Jackson, just like you have since day 1." I replied, "Well, there's no point in griping about something I can't change, I've just got to make the most of it." He then said, "I think your smile is about to get a lot bigger." He said they had found a new science teacher that would be starting Monday (yesterday). I was very excited because it meant my classes would go down to the low 30's. As I prepared to make the announcement to my classes on Friday, I had distinct flashbacks to China...
I was in the same situation in China, having a large class that got reduced a couple weeks in. When I told my kids there, they started jumping out of their seats to be moved out of my class. Would it be the same? Luckily it wasn't the same. It was quite the opposite, actually. They were begging to stay, writing me notes telling me why they deserved to stay in my class. I laughed when some of them even started pointing at their friends and asking me to kick each other out instead of them. I was grateful for the little reassurance I was given that even with all my shortcomings so far this school year and the large classes, I was still reaching my kids.
I showed up to school yesterday morning with no new roster printed, no new teacher across the hall, everything seemed normal. Then during my first period prep, I started seeing my students one-by-one trickle into my room showing me their new schedules and asking me to sign off on their transfer grades...and they kept coming and coming, more and more of them. Whoever didn't come in then, I received their new schedules and had to turn them away at the door, telling them they were no longer in my class. I saw tears, literally. I knew it would be better for their own education, but I was still feeling a gap...especially when I only had 22 students in 2nd period, as opposed to 45.
Now my classes range from 22 to 38. It's weird. I miss the students who got taken out, many of whom I was especially attached to already. I'm excited for the chance I'll have to get to know my now 160 students on a much deeper level, but I will be keeping an eye on the others, checking up on them, making sure they are keeping up with their work. I guess I learned to be careful what I wish for.
On a lighter note: I told my students I was out of jolly ranchers, hand sanitizer, and tissues last week. You should have seen the looks on their faces! They said, "Ms, you should just go to Costco! You can get all that there and get lots of it!" I told them I would but I didn't have a Costco card then Karla said, "My mom does! You should just come with us!" The next day, Karla came back into class and said, "Ms. Jackson, I asked my mom if you could come to Costco with us and she said yes so when do you want to go?" Haha, I love them.
